Samuel Kepelplorp of Bahrain, Utah was chosen by Barrack Obama and his then-boyfriend, Michael Flemingston Robbins to be the father of two children. Those two children, Malia and Sasha Obama, were to never know about their biological father.

All of that ended when Sasha turned 18, as the couple always knew it would. Now that they’re adults, the Obama girls are no longer under the protection of their parents. Kepelplorp immediately filed suit for $40 million. His attorney, Art Tubolls, Esq., told us via email: 

“Sam just wants some recognition that he provided the DNA that made the Obama girls what they are. Michelle couldn’t have children, and Barack likes men. So what’s the big deal? They hid it from the people and claimed the kids were theirs. Now they’ll have to pay.”

The judge in the case agreed that it was wrong for Michael Robbins to have assumed motherhood of the two girls without ever telling their real dad he intended to change genders. The whole thing is very confusing unless you’ve ever seen that after school special in which Eve Plumb plays a promiscuous high school student who ends up pregnant.

In any case, the Obamas will now pay $14 million after a judge ruled against them. Kepelplorp says he will appeal the ruling for the dollar figure. “I deserve the full $40 million,” he said, “I’ve had to live with this for 20 years.”

Sasha and Malia weren’t available for comment. Their publicist shook her head, laughed, and walked away, but one of these days we’re gonna get a statement.