If you’ve been waiting for the divine hand of justice to finally come down on our country, Trey Gowdy, high-profile attorney has heard your prayers. Armed with reams of stunning and as-of-yet unseen information, the crusader will make sure the buzzword for the next year of news cycles will be : BIDENGATE.
A legend for his dogged multiple investigations of the Benghazi attacks, Gowdy is a beloved force of legal action to the conservative movement, despite the glaring fact that the stunt double for the star of “The Year Without a Christmas” has never won a single case in his life, nor has he ever presented an argument proven to be anywhere near true.
Joe Barron of the Conservative Institute for Ridiculous Garbage That’s Gonna Happen Any Day Now You’ll See explains the nature of “Bidengate”, and why it needs to be looked at by every YouTube schizo and teabagging superdetective for months to come.
“What is ‘Bidengate?’ It’s the exact same thing as ‘Obamagate.’ Nothing. Bullshit. Donald Trump proved that his cult of clam-brained pudmonkeys don’t actually need realistic accusations in order to get motivated. I’d bet money right this minute that the word ‘Bidengate’ will appear sometime within the next two months anyway. Somebody will babble that it has something to do with Ukraine or maybe China, and they’ll make up the rest. Mr. Gowdy is just ready for whatever it’s going to be now.”
Many have asked where Gowdy was during the last election’s “fraud” nonsense, since he does specialize in ridiculous fake narratives that trumptards drool over. The attorney explains that he had been extremely busy going door-to-door reminding everyone not to forget Benghazi.
But now after all the anxiety America has been put through by a cartoonishly incompetent and stupid President, the time to invent a new “gate” has come. Plus, Gowdy’s unfortunate wife wants a new Prada bag.